"Losing A Whole Year"

I'm pretty sure I'm in a rut... In all aspects of my life. For one, my wardrobe is pathetic. Who owns four green v-neck t-shirts?
Chad says I have far too much clothing, in all honesty I'd be glad to get rid of it ALL. It's all cheap crap, he didn't seem to understand what I meant by that, or why it made any difference. And I had a really hard time trying to explain it. But what I think it comes down to is the level of respect you have for yourself is represented in how you treat your body. I mean, I understand that in the grand scheme of things, the fabric drape on a body makes no difference. But I'm not speaking "grand scheme" I speaking in terms of real life. And unfortunately my real life now teeters between the world in which most people live and Los Angeles. It may make me sound shallow or that I have self-esteem issues, which to a certain degree I realize I have issues I need to work through, but I am impacted by the lives that I get glimpses of on a daily basis. I have a serious lack of confidence, in everything. I hate the fact that this blog has turned into a place for me to whine, but truth be told, in my day to day interactions it's nearly impossible for me to show these emotions. I can't be vulnerable. Ugh, I feel like such a cliche. I feel like my life is pathetic and drab. It's a muddy color, somewhere between beige and gray. I feel like I'm good at nothing but I don't have anything willing me forward. How sad is that?

Maybe I am depressed to a certain degree.